She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
