i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
