i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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