saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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