We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
