It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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