not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
