Define "chronic" masturbator.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
