So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
