make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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