It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
