Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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