in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
