im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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