can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize