She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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