Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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