is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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