goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
