I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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