I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize