Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
