Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
