I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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