literally had 100 drinks last night.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
