remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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