I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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