I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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