fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
