im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
