Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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