Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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