Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
