I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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