the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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