She is in my trunk
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
