Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
