i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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