You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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