The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Enjoy the penises
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
