he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
