I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
