I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
