I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
