there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
