I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
