I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
