Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
