I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
