problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
