Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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