do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
