i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
