when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
