Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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