someone get that fucking seahorse.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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