i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
