weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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