she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
