wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
