I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
