well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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