that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i think i just lost a toe
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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