I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
