he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
