you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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